Journal entries
09/02/2015
If you have to take lupron, it must be taken within an hour of your designated time each morning. I take it between 6:45am - 7:45am each day. Worse case scenario you can prepare the shot and take it with you. Thought I would share that in case you run into some conflicts like I had. I have my ultrasound appointment this Friday at 7:45 am. It's an hour from my house, so I'll prepare the shot to take with me.
BFC said my period should show up 2-4 days after birth control is stopped, but I haven't started yet. It's been five days. Hopefully I start tomorrow.
09/04/2015
I still never got a full period, but I read online that a lot of people don't get their period, or it's way lighter than usual. The important part is what the ultrasound shows tomorrow, so I'm praying everything is perfect. I start the stimulation meds tomorrow. Eek! I'm so nervous about the butt injections. I'm flying to Barbados on Tuesday night (woohoo).
09/05/2015
The ultrasound went great. I started my injections last night. Hubby did amazing! My butt is really tender at the injection site this morning.
I feel overwhelmed. My grandpa was diagnosed with stage four cancer. There's nothing that can be done. It's all over his body. He started saying weird things, and we think it's because it's on the base of his brain. Any ways, my mom is flying in from North Carolina to stay at my house and visit with him every day. Meanwhile, I'm doing my IVF outside of the U.S., and I'm leaving in 4 days. I'm praying that he doesn't pass away while I'm there, and I'm feeling guilty for even going now.
09/06/2015
Lupron may be causing headaches. I've had a headache every day since I started those injections. It feels like dull pressure on the top of my head. My scan at BFC is scheduled for Friday and I'm looking forward to seeing how many follicles I have.
I have to tell you, my backside is sooo sore. The injections don't hurt when they're given, but they hurt the next day. I've been icing, using heating pad, rubbing the knot, and nothing makes it go away. I tried icing before the shot and then icing and rubbing the area afterwards, but still nothing works. It's not painful, but definitely tender and uncomfortable.
09/07/2015
Update! The butt injections only hurt the first two days. I don't have any pain now. In fact, the butt injections hurt even less than the subcutaneous injections in my stomach. Feeling very happy! I've had a pressure headache every day since I started lupron injections. It's a common side effect, but totally worth it for a baby.
09/08/2015
I leave tomorrow night. I'm excited to meet the staff at BFC and for my baseline ultrasound to see what my ovaries are doing.
09/09/2015
I'm in Barbados!! Holy humidity, Batman! It was a loooong night/day of flying. Ten hour flight from California, plus the time difference. I'm pooped. So my flight left at 11:30 pm which allowed me to do the injections at home before I left for the airport. The morning injection was tricky though, because I had a connecting flight during that time. As soon as I got on the connecting plane I stashed a bottle of lupron and a needle in my purse, then went to the bathroom for the injection. I left my open lupron at home in the fridge, and just used a fresh one. I figured the airplane was cold enough, and then I put the bottle in the fridge when I got to Barbados.
Yes, medicine and needles are allowed in your carry on. In fact, you have to bring them on the plane with you because they have to be temperature controlled. Not too hot, not too cold. I used two giant ziplock bags to put all of my medicine, syringes, needles and vitamins in. When I went through TSA I left all of my medicine inside my carryon and waited for them to pull me aside. I was so nervous about this part, but they didn't even care. I wasn't pulled aside. I wasn't questioned. I wasn't looked at funny. Nothing! Many, many people have to take medication daily to sustain living, so our IVF meds are not a big deal to TSA.
I'm on day 6 of meds. I feel lots of pressure in my ovaries and I still have a headache from the lupron. Looking forward to hearing what BFC says about my numbers tomorrow. After dropping off our luggage, we walked to BFC to see where it was and how far it was from the condo. It' Less than a minute walk, so I'm happy about that. The clinic is beautiful.
09/10/2015
I love it here! The humidity is different for me, but it's great for the skin. Definitely would not wear makeup here because it would just sweat off. It is so nice to be able to relax and not think about work. Although I still worry about things, being away from the daily grind is nice.
The beach is literally across the street from our condo and the clinic. The water is so warm and the sand is soft, like flour. We couldn't wait to take a dip! We just floated in the ocean and listened to the sound of small rolling waves, birds chirping and palm trees rustling in the breeze. Ah, pure bliss!
Today was my first appointment with BFC, and the staff is superb! They gave us a warm welcome with smiles and hugs. While we waited, we looked through the photo albums of all the BFC babies. I can't wait until my little chicken's picture is added to the collection to give future IVFers hope, just as those babies gave us hope. My scan went well. There's about 12 follicles at the moment. I'm feeling really optimistic. They increased my meds for the next three days and then I go back Sunday for another scan. Dr. Skinner said we can't walk home after sedation, so we'll have to take a taxi. We didn't rent a car because the driving and roads are crazy out here. BFC has several drivers they use, with decent pricing, so they call ahead for us. They make everything easy!
After the appointment we walked next door to the coffee shop (The Artsplash). The coffee and food is so delish. We went there twice today. We tried their coffee, salad, and an acai bowl. Everything is really fresh and flavorful. Be prepared to wait a while for your order. Not like you're in a hurry in Barbados, but it's good to know.
I'm on day 7 of medication and it was a little tricky adjusting the schedule to the new time zone. Lovenox and hMG need to be EXACT timing. I wrote down the updated times for an easy reminder the next several days. I have bruises at each of the Lovenox injections. I feel and look like a human pin cushion! Haha! To help with bruises, bring some Arnicare and spread it on throughout the day.
Our first day was perfect, but even in this beautiful surrounding, all I can think about is how many eggs I'll have at my next scan. How many eggs they'll retrieve? Will they be good quality? Will they fertilize? How many will fertilize? How many will make it to day 5? So on and so on. You know, the usual IVF worries.
09/12/2015
My husband and I met in 2011, married in 2012, and have been trying to conceive since. Every single month I think this could be it, this is our month. But nope! Meanwhile, I don't want to drink too much, or go in a jacuzzi, or plan trips too far in advance because what if?? It's like we put our life on hold hoping for a baby. Definitely takes some of the fun out of a new marriage and life in general. Of course everyone and their sister has gotten pregnant in the last three years. My cousin had three babies in that time. Yep! One a year. They just think about having another baby and POOF, she's pregnant. Any who, it's not a race, but it's a hurtful reminder that I'm still not pregnant every time I receive another baby announcement. No one else can relate to the struggle of infertility. They just don't get the heartache or the financial and emotional burden.
We went to the farmers market today and bought fruits and veggies. I love that everything is conveniently located from our condo. We planned on going to Oistins today, but it was pouring rain and we didn't know if it would still be open. Oistins, we were told, "is what Barbados is all about". It's like a giant party on Friday nights, and sounds really fun.
Today is day 8 of medication and I started getting giant bumps at each injection site last night. It happened again this morning. Kind of freaky. I don't rub the area. I ice it before and after the injection, and that has worked like a charm until now. Even the tiny lupron injection made a bump this morning, which has never left a mark. I'm wondering if it was just too much of the Lovenox and aspirin for too long. I stopped taking the aspirin yesterday, and my injections this evening were fine, so hopefully it's done. I'm trying to remain calm through all of this, but sometimes panic sets in. Like what am I doing in a foreign country? Am I crazy? I have to check myself and snap out of it before I get anxious.
Praying for good news and beautiful follicles on the scan tomorrow morning.
09/13/2015
Just got back from my appointment. I have 12 follicles measuring around 12 and 13. They want me to take the meds for another three days (12 days total). Slow and steady wins the race? Quality over quantity, right? I was on a low dose of hMG, but they bumped me up. So that should do the trick. My next appointment is Wednesday. Praying like crazy this works.
My grandpa passed away last night and I'm all the way out here. The thought of never seeing my grandpa again is weighing heavy on me. I'm happy he is no longer in pain though. This just has to work. It has to be worth it. It's the circle of life. Please, God.
09/14/2015
Feeling guilty for being here and not with my family. All stories have an end. I'm just hoping this is the beginning of a new one. One filled with the sounds of little feet. Babies bring meaning to life.
BFC said they do ultrasounds and blood work to make sure you're ready for egg retrieval. I've seen them twice and they haven't taken blood at all. I was thinking about my E2 (estrogen) levels because that's what everyone talks about after their appointments. This is the first thing that I've ever been concerned with at BFC. I'm going to ask tomorrow.
09/15/2015
I spoke with BFC about the E2 blood test. They said they don't automatically run the test. They base it off of the physical exam and how I'm feeling. So things are looking good still.
I just got out of the pool. It's 80 degrees and breezy here in Barbados. I'm listening to the sounds of the tropics outside my window.
I had a few questions about the medication I'm on, so here's my protocol:
BCP for a month.
Started daily lupron injections a week before stopping BCP.
Started daily Lovenox, Menopur, and aspirin 5 days before flying to Barbados. The first two days on Menopur were 375 mg. The next 4 days were 300 mg.
Once I got to Barbados they checked my lining and follies. They had me stop taking Aspirin and increase my Menopur to 375 mg again for the next 6 days. My total stimulation time will be 12 days because I was a slow responder.
09/16/2015
Weather is beautiful today!
I went to BFC for another scan. Follies are doing great! My leads are at 17. I have about 15 measurable at the moment. I'm feeling good about having enough mature eggs now. One more day of injections! Egg retrieval is scheduled for Saturday. It's getting so real!!
09/18/2015
I did the trigger shot last night. Holy moly my ovaries and lower back are feeling it today. I feel so heavy and bloated. I've felt pretty good this whole time, but not today. I'm getting really worried about egg retrieval tomorrow. My boobs are swollen and tender from the hormones. Going to try to relax and enjoy the rest of the day.
09/19/2015
I just got home from egg retrieval. The sedation and pain meds haven't completely worn off yet, but I'm feeling okay so far. Just really slow, as expected. It went really well, but they only retrieved 6 eggs. I'll get the fertilization report tomorrow. Praying they all make it. Six seems so low to me, but it only takes 1! Just not as many to work with as I'd hoped for.
I feel really bloated and heavy. Just a little bit of bleeding, but nothing major. I'm not sure if they meant 6 eggs were retrieved, or if 6 were mature which is even better. I'll know more when I get the call tomorrow. I'm going to stay positive. We've done everything we could to this point, and it's out of my hands. We're doing ICSI, so hopefully we'll have a good fertilization report.
RJ wanted to get me out of the condo, so we walked across the street to a restaurant called Blakeys. I was moving very slowly, but it was good to get the blood flowing and feel the fresh air.
09/20/2015
I just got the call from the embryologist. Only 3 eggs fertilized. I just finished crying. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but it's so hard. It's quality over quantity. Just hoping the three we have are great quality and make it to my belly. Tomorrow I'll find out if we are doing a three day or a five day transfer. Praying praying praying this works!!
I'm not feeling well. Partly sore, partly bloated, and partly sad.
My husband is watching football and I can't focus. I'm on Dr. Google to see what our odds are. I'm okay with three embryos, as long as they are grade-A. On a side note, my abdomen is still so swollen. Guess my body is making room for my twinsies.
09/21/2015
I'm still fighting the most uncomfortable bloat. I just want someone to pop me.
09/22/2015
We just got a call from the embryologist. She said today is my big day. Egg retrieval is in about two hours. Not sure if I'm doing one or two, but all three are still growing. Woohoo!!! I've just got to stay off Google and be positive for my little one(s)! I am so excited and nervous. My belly is still so bloated from egg retrieval. I already look pregnant, so let's do this!! Today is the BIG DAY!! I'll be PUPO in about three hours.
Update: We transferred two little embabies! I'm so excited!! We'll wait and see if the third one makes it to day five. I'm PUPO!! I've never even been this far so I'm already excited. Holy moly I'm PUPO! We went home to relax and watch a movie, and then went out for lunch.
Praying for our chicken littles!!!
09/25/2015
So there's a thing you're "supposed" to do after transfer...slice a pineapple into five sections, including the core, then eat one section for 5 days. Not sure why, but I'm doing it just in case. Today we ate at a place called Mama Mia's and it was so good. Our only regret was not trying it 2.5 weeks ago! They have giant cupcakes, but we didn't try them. I couldn't stop thinking about those cupcakes all night! Lol!! I'm doing the final packing and cleaning before we head out.
It's going to be weird going back to real life. Not having appointments at BFC, eating at Blakeys, and having the ocean right across the street. The only thing that makes it okay is knowing we have a BFP on the way!
09/26/2015
We're finally home. Yesterday was too much! 11 hours of flying and up for 24 hours. Never again. Lol! We're officially in our two week wait, so of course every day feels like eternity for me. I'm debating on going back to my old ways of testing every day. I just don't want to get myself down because it's way too early for positives. I still have the hcg trigger in my system for at least a couple of days, so that'll prevent me from testing for now (maybe).
It's so hard to tell if anything is a symptom because I'm on progesterone, but I am definitely short of breath faster and I feel tiny little cramps in my lower abdomen... This could be due to progesterone or gas.... Who knows? KEEPING THE PRAYERS GOING.
09/27/2015
I'm 5 days post 3 day transfer (5dp3dt) and the only thing I notice is a heavy feeling in my abdomen. I've had a few flutters here and there, but that could be gas? I get short of breath, but that could be the estradiol or progesterone. The two week wait is so hard! I feel so consumed and I can't shake it. It's all I think about. Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed with "Dr. Google!" Lol!!!
I worry about being bloated, then I worry about not being bloated. I have completely gone down the symptom rabbit hole!!
I am "not allowed" to take a test until Friday at the earliest (according to my husband). He knows I'll just go insane and I'll test every day whether it's positive or negative. My beta isn't until Tuesday! Ugh! So far away. i don't have headaches or anything. I feel normal other than the severe bloating. No matter what I eat I get bloated. My boobs are heavier but not tender. So who knows? It's so freaking early for me to even have symptoms, so I'm only driving myself crazy.