Journal entries
06/26/2016
HE'S HERE!! I'm so in love! This "little" guy was 24 inches and 10 pounds 5 ounces! Vaginal! He skipped newborn diapers and has the chubbiest cheeks. He's perfect and I can't stop loving on him. He latched on like a champ during skin to skin, so breastfeeding has been easy. Thank you to all of you for your thoughts, wishes, prayers.
06/29/2016
I wanted to do a natural home birth, but you can't deliver at home after 42 weeks. So we moved to plan B, which was delivering at our hospital. It turned out to be a wonderful experience! I didn't plan on interventions, but at 42 weeks we didn't have much choice in a hospital. We had an appointment for 9 am on Friday. I had no signs of labor, so the doctor ruptured my membranes to get things going, and sent us to L&D. Still no cramping or signs, so they started me on Pitocin. Handled those contractions for a few hours and got to 5 cm and 80% effaced. Then they broke my water, at which point I could no longer handle Pitocin contractions. Bring on the epidural! I labored all night, comfortably. I used a peanut ball to keep my legs open and help Benjamin continue down the birth canal while I slept. Benjamin hung in like a champion without any distress. At around 10 am Saturday morning, RJ called the nurse because I had an overwhelming amount of discomfort and pressure on my sides and back. She checked me and said it was time to push. 6 contractions later Benjamin was here! No one expected a 10.5 pound baby or a 24 inch baby. I'm glad I didn't know either, because it allowed me to enjoy the day instead of labor in fear. I am in a lot of pain. I had two episiotomies and I still tore, but Benjamin is worth every stitch!!
Although this was the farthest thing from what we had in mind for labor, we wouldn't change a thing. It turned out to be a great experience, and we felt very well taken care of. They listened to us, and didn't push any interventions on us. They always asked us before doing anything, and they made us feel so comfortable. Benjamin is here and healthy, and we are all so in love.
Yes, the soreness is not to be believed. The side of having a baby that no one talks about. Holy cow! I'm using the dermospray, tucks pads, water bottle, Motrin, and making ice packs with newborn diapers. I'm not bleeding as bad, but it still feels like it gushes out when I stand. The ride to our 3 day check up was the most horrible hour of my life. I felt like I was sitting on knives and like my stitches were going to tear out. I have stitches inside and out. It's really bad. I'm just thankful that my mom is here to help because I can't get up while holding Benjamin, and I can't move fast. I'm so in love with Benjamin that I'd do it all again.
06/30/2016
Benjamin is doing great with breastfeeding. My milk was in by day 3, so I leak when he cries. The body does amazing things. He sleeps almost 3 hours between feedings now. When it was just colostrum he fed constantly and I was a walking zombie. I cried from exhaustion the second night.
07/05/2016
I feel like my body is falling apart. My heart rate has dropped to 42 with a pulse that is barely there. I called the nurse advice line because I was having pain in my upper abdomen and it was causing me shortness of breath. She sent me to the ER and they said I have thickening of the gallbladder wall and gastritis (inflammation of the stomach lining). I'm afraid to eat anything. I'm tired. I'm weak. I'm trying to take care of Benjamin and breastfeed him. I had a complete meltdown this weekend. My husband is wonderful and helps tremendously, and let's me get sleep. I'm afraid my body will never be normal, and what these things mean for my future.
Also, I can't sleep on my left side or my back. For some reason they cause me shortness of breath. So I'm stuck on my right side or in the glider. I just don't understand. I want to be healthy again.
09/06/2016
Time is flying by, and I'm not looking forward to going back to work. We are definitely considering me being a SAHM, but I'm having a hard time deciding because I've worked for the same company for 15 years. I'm going to try to work from home with a nanny to try it out. If I don't like it I'll quit.
I'm still exclusively breastfeeding. Benjamin won't take a bottle or a pacifier, of any shape or size. I've tried leaving and having my aunt and my mom feed him, I've tried formula, pumped milk, different bottles....you name it.
Benjamin is still a big boy. We had his 2 month check up on Friday and he's 26.5 inches and 16.5 pounds. He is 100th percentile on everything. He even holds his head up. He's had a strong neck from the beginning which is why his doctor calls him Benjamin the Great. Strong little dude.
09/10/16
Benjamin caught his first cold. **sad face**
He is stuffy, sneezing, and crying all day. My family was over last weekend and my aunt was sick. I was pissed that she came over sick and everyone said it would be okay if she didn't touch me or Benjamin. Lies!! My poor two month old baby is sick and it breaks my heart. No fever thank God. I know it was bound to happen, but DAMN IT!
10/21/2016
Being back at work this week has been great. The nanny is wonderful. She is going to attempt bottle or sippy cup feeding twice a day. If it doesn't work then I can nurse him. The nanny offered to watch him on a weekend or evening if we want to go for a date night. I'll have to work up to that, but I appreciate knowing that's an option. Especially since Benjamin is so comfortable around her. Of course, he needs to take a bottle before that can happen. So I've lost 32 pounds as of today. That is something to be proud of. I have 20 more to lose to be back to pre- IUIs and IVF. I'm part of the "turtle club" with weight. Slow and steady, but I'm glad to be losing. I'll need to start throwing around the weights soon. This ass isn't gonna lift itself up.