Journal entries
04/04/2016
I had my first baby shower. It was a movie theme, starring my lil man. It was so cool and so sweet. I had such a good time that I forgot to take pictures. It was definitely an emotional day.
04/17/2016
Sometimes I walk by a mirror and still get surprised that I'M THE PREGNANT reflection. It's mind blowing. I have no shame in people finding out we did IVF, but I want to be holding my baby before I send a shoutout to science for the miracle of life. Still feels unreal to me sometimes.
04/18/2016
For those asking about where we stayed in Barbados....We rented a condo. The host, Ava, was wonderful. It was $145 a night for two bedrooms, two bathrooms, full kitchen, private washer and dryer, screens on all the windows, air in both rooms, free internet, cable, a pool, less than one minute walk to BFC, across the street from the beach, and super clean. We absolutely loved it and loved Ava.
I'd say the average price of our meals was $12 U.S. or $24 Barbados. Depends on if you get drinks, but that is for a sit down restaurant with an ocean view. Can't beat that! Everyone is on Barbados time. Slow slow slow. You really learn to relax and slow down yourself. Never try to squeeze in a quick meal before an appointment, or you'll be late. Haha!
04/28/2016
34 weeks tomorrow and feeling the weight of this belly. It is getting harder to get comfortable at my desk, and sleeping at night. Had my family baby shower and my work shower, now I need to organize the nursery. Feeling very blessed and loved.
05/07/2016
I love being pregnant and feeling this little baby boy move. I am definitely starting to get nervous about how big he's going to be though. My stomach is sooo big and I still have 5 weeks. People ask if I'm due right now. I totally look like it though! I have aches and pains that I won't miss, but I focus on the fact that there is a miracle growing inside of me. Almost 36 weeks pregnant and I'm still amazed at what the body is capable of, and how blessed I am to be able to experience pregnancy. All the years of heartache and tears. All the times I cried because I got my period or heard another pregnancy announcement. What seemed like eternity of failed cycle after cycle soon faded the moment I found out I was pregnant. This is my only baby. I don't have any frozen embryos, and I had to pay 100% out of pocket for everything, so I'm trying to absorb every single second. I'll enjoy my remaining one-on-one time with this little baby boy, and cherish all of his hiccups and movements.
05/22/2016
I see what everyone means now when they say things get rough at the end. I love being pregnant, but I'm getting more and more aches and pains, which tells me labor is getting close. Things I won't miss about being pregnant: Being winded (just talking), not being able to see my feet (or my vagina), not being able to sleep on my back (or my stomach), not being able to bend over to pick something up without struggling, having to pee all the time, not being able to flip over with ease from one side to the other when sleeping, and heartburn. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL Y'ALL!!
I'm over 37 weeks pregnant now, so within the next couple weeks. Eek! Excited and nervous and anxious! I'm getting all the feels right now.
06/01/2016
No baby yet. Nine days until the estimated due date, but I'm mentally prepared to go longer since I'm a first time mom. He is still moving around like crazy, and I don't see any signs of labor yet. Any moment that could all change. It's just crazy to even think about. I've carried this little boy for over 9 months, and it still doesn't feel real. You never really believe it. I know once I have him in my arms it will all sink in.
06/03/2016
I'm feeling good. My last day of work was Wednesday, so now I'm trying to just relax. No signs of labor yet. This little guy is snug as a bug! I'm not going to lie though, I woke up anxious about labor.
06/05/2016
Still no signs of labor. Just bouncing on my yoga ball, staying hydrated, watching Netflix, and scrolling through Pinterest.
06/09/2016
No signs of labor. I'm feeling so uncomfortable, exhausted, and nauseous this week. Nerves? Pre-labor feels? I can't tell, but I'm 39 + 6 days pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable sitting and sleeping. I'm nauseous so I don't want to drive anywhere. I can't even enjoy tv or a movie because I'm so impatient right now, my mind wanders off. How big is my baby? Can a sister just lose her mucus plug already? Or have her water break? Or get a contraction of some sort? Throw me a bone here.
I ordered a few groceries from Amazon Fresh to try it out. My review...that service is awesome! I "accidentally" purchased cookie dough. Whoops! I just baked and ate some cookies. That's a double whammy; weight gain for me and a bigger baby. #idiot
06/10/2016
It's officially the due date, but this little guy is still cozy. No signs of labor. Hopefully by the end of the weekend.
06/12/2016
No signs of labor yet. It's 2 am Sunday morning and I have insomnia. I'm 40 weeks + 2 days, and growing more anxious by the day. He's still moving around and hiccuping. I can go until 42 weeks before they induce me. As long as baby is not stressed, which he is not.
06/13/2016
I'm 40 weeks, 3 days pregnant today. The only thing that has changed is I have a heaviness or a pressure really low, which means he dropped. I just went on a walk and felt a bit nauseous, but I was hoping it would get things going.
06/14/2016
40+4! I walked two malls, Home Depot, and a giant furniture store. Still, no signs of labor. With each passing day I get more anxious. I still feel him moving around and hiccuping, so that part is good.
This journey is so odd:
AT THE BEGINNING of pregnancy, you check the toilet paper with one eye open, while holding your breath, to make sure you don't see anything. This lets you know baby is safe and you're still pregnant.
AT THE END of pregnancy, you check the toilet paper with your toes and fingers crossed in hopes of seeing something gross. If there's nothing there, you jump off the seat and check the toilet, just in case maybe you see something in there. A sign of the plug. A sign of labor. You're so afraid to see pink during this journey, until the end. Then you're praying to see pink because you know things are moving and baby is on his way out.
I've tried it all. Today I did acupuncture. I have heartburn from the spicy food. I've walked and walked and walked. I've had sex every day. I've walked up the stairs sideways. I've eaten pineapple. I've been sitting and bouncing on a yoga ball, dancing around the house, doing hip circles like a belly dancer, squatting, laughing...this child is stubborn like his father already. I'm 3 cm dilated, 20% effaced, and he's 0 station (engaged). Come on lil dude, let's do this!
06/20/2016
I am 41+3 now. Part of me wants to run to L&D and have them take this baby out. The other part of me is trying to remain calm and remember that full term is 37-42 weeks, and that I knew I'd probably go past my due date since my mom was two weeks late with my brother and me. All the preparation for a natural birth seems to be slipping away with each passing day, but I don't want to put Mr. Benjamin at risk. I always told myself that if I had to be induced that it would be for a very good reason. Sitting at 4 cm dilated without any cramps, this close to 42 weeks, is a good reason. Today is the first day of summer/the summer solstice, and it is also a full moon. It is the first time that both have happened on the same day in 70 years. Some folks say the full moon means more babies born. It's Benjamin's day! Please oh please make it his day.
06/22/2016
Appointment went well. Our vitals are still great. My fluid is still great. I can opt for induction at any time now, but I figured I'd wait for the two week late date because my mom was two weeks late with me. I have another appointment this Friday, when we decide what to do. Benjamin is happy and thriving!
06/24/2016
Yes, I'm still pregnant. 42 weeks today. I'm at the hospital right now. Did another non stress test (NST) and the doctor said Benjamin is "healthy, healthy, healthy!" This doctor said I'm actually at 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced. It was a male, so bigger fingers make a difference I guess? He also measured my fluid and belly size. He looked at the placenta and said everything is great, but because I'm at 42 weeks he stripped my membranes. I lost my plug, which I never noticed! He said some women don't have the "big show". My waters are still intact. I still only have BH contractions. They said things should start picking up this afternoon. I'm very emotional today. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.