The good news is that we went on our trip and had a great time with family and friends. We are exhausted and had to go right back to work. Today I had an appointment with my OBGYN and it didn’t go the way I anticipated.
Since the trip to the E.R. I’ve been bleeding every day. Not a lot, but enough to need a panty liner. It’s dark brown to rust colored, and it’s there every time I go to the restroom. Since the blood never went back to bright red, I was hoping for good news today. The doctor started the ultrasound with Baby A. The heartbeat was perfect and Baby A was growing right on track with the expected due date. Then she moved to Baby B. The baby looked a few days smaller, but then she couldn’t find a heartbeat. I knew it before she said anything. I couldn’t see the flickering heart. We’ve lost Baby B.
What does this mean? I had so many questions.
Is this because of the hematoma? The doctor couldn’t tell.
Is my body going to expel that baby, causing me to lose the other one? The doctor said that was a possibility.
Is the hematoma still there? Yes. It’s smaller, but it could easily get bigger again.
What happens if my body doesn’t get rid of the twin? My body could reabsorb the baby, and we’ll be able to see that on the ultrasounds over time.
I cried when I told the doctor I was okay. I cried because I admitted that I haven’t been able to attach to these babies because I’ve been bleeding every day. I cried because I didn’t feel like I was upset enough, and because I almost felt relieved. What’s wrong with me? My doctor told me that it’s all completely normal, and many women feel those things. She gave me a hug and told me it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling.
Unfortunately she can’t predict what will happen, but she said she wants to see me weekly, which is fine by me! I only have to go 7 days before I get another check up to see what’s going on with Baby A, the lost twin, and the hematoma. I know those appointments will help me feel better.